


Silence

by kaitlyn_avery



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:46:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5232734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlyn_avery/pseuds/kaitlyn_avery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being in a relationship with Anders for a near two years, Kate Hawke notices that he is becoming distant. <br/>The distance starts to take its toll on Kate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alone Again

The room was still pretty dark when Kate opened her eyes. She turned over and sighed when she saw the bed was lacking Anders. 

Lately, he had been disappearing. He would come home for maybe a few hours and Hawke would convince him to stay, but in the morning he would be gone before she could even wake. 

Kate got up slowly and took her time putting on her robes.

"Maybe I should go visit Anders," she thought aloud. No, she shook her head, he probably wouldn't want to see her. Eventually she brought herself down the stairs and grabbed a bottle of wine off of the table and downed the remaining contents. 

"Uh... Messere Hawke?" Bodhan asked cautiously. She looked up. 

"Mm?" 

"Maybe you should take it easy with the alcohol," he said while hesitantly taking the bottle from her hand. Kate stayed silent for a moment then nodded. 

"Yeah... Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna go visit Varric. Oriana?" She called out. The servant lifted her head. 

"Yes, Mistress?" 

"Would you mind making some beef stew for dinner tonight and straightening up my room while I'm gone?"

"Of course, you needn't ask, Mistress Hawke." Kate was already halfway out the door when she called out her thanks. 

_____________________

Kate rushed through the streets of Kirkwall until she reached the Hanged Man. She threw open the door, drawing all eyes on her. Ignoring the stares, the mage went up to Varric's room. When she walked in, he was still asleep, snoring into his pillow. 

"Varric!" Kate nearly shouted. He jerked awake. 

"Shit, Kate! You nearly made me piss myself!" Varric grabbed his tunic off of the end of the bed and put it on, never breaking eye contact with Hawke who didn't even seem to notice he was almost naked. 

"Speaking of piss, get me some of the Hanged Man's finest ale!" She exclaimed whilst grabbing up a copy of 'Hard in Hightown' and flipping through the pages. 

He groaned. "I don't think that's the best idea." She dropped the book and looked up as if expecting a different answer. Then she waved over a serving girl. 

"I need some ale. Now." The girl rushed off to go get the drinks. Kate plopped down into one of Varric's chairs. 

"What's this about, Hawke?" He watched as she dragged her fingers through her dark blonde hair and squeezed her bright blue eyes shut. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she answered. 

"I guess... I tire of being alone." The serving girl came in with a platter of pints. Hawke took the plate and muttered a quiet thank you. 

"What about Anders?" She grabbed one cup and gulped down the ale. When she emptied its contents, she slammed it down. 

"What about him?" She retorted back. 

"Well aren't you still together?" Kate looked down to hide the tears gathering in her eyes. 

"I don't know. I don't think he loves me anymore. If he ever did. He's barely ever around anymore." He rubbed the back of his neck. Varric wasn't good with these types of situations. She lifted another pint to her quivering mouth. 

"Well, not to sound critical. But you've become kind of a ghost yourself. This is the first time you've visited me in months. And you drink all the time, he may just be trying to distance himself from you." Kate stood up abruptly. 

"I guess I can't blame him. I'm sorry for intruding Varric. Here's money for the drinks." She dropped a bag of silvers onto the table and marched out before he could respond. But not before he saw a tear roll down her cheek. 

Varric's stomach twisted into knots of guilt but didn't chase after her. 

"What have I done?" He muttered to himself. 

____________________

Kate opened the door of her manor as quietly as she could. The tears were still flowing down her cheeks and she didn't want to alarm anyone. She was fine. She was fine. 

When she saw the room was vacant, she rushed up the stairs, grabbing another bottle of wine on the way up. 

She leaned against her bedroom door as she closed it behind her. Kate let the sobs out freely now, clutching the bottle to her chest. 

Why wasn't she enough? 

Enough to save her family?

Enough to make Anders stay? 

Enough to the people she considered her friends. 

Kate felt so useless. So pitiful. She was so alone. There was no one left.

The room was so quiet. The house was so quiet. There was just silence. There was just silence as she scrambled across the floor for her pack. 

Silence as she finally found the dagger at the bottom of the bag. 

Silence as she lifted her robes to expose her thighs. 

And silence as she dragged the blade across her skin. 

Sweet tranquil silence.


	2. Fix Me

Anders was sitting at his desk when Varric barged into his clinic. 

"Varric? Are you alright?" Varric stood in front of his desk, studying him. Anders had lost weight. His robes hung loosely off of him now and the bags under his eyes had grown. 

"...its Hawke." The rogue could see Anders' jaw clench and he slowly let out a deep breath. 

"What happened?"

"She... isn't right. She's drinking all the time. And she almost started crying at the Hanged Man earlier."

"Why?" Anders ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the floor, burying his head in his knees. 

"Kate says she's tired of being alone... And she thinks you don't love her."

Anders jumped up and grabbed a few papers. "I need to go-to find Kate. Oh Maker... What have I done?" He muttered running out the door. 

__________________

 

"Kate! Kate! Where are you?" He yelled when he finally reached their house. He ran up the stairs and threw open her door. 

And there she was. Kate Hawke laid on the ground next to her desk with her robes opened and her shoulders shaking. Anders' eyes started to water as he looked at her. He had done this. This was his fault. The love of his life was broken and sobbing on the floor because of him. 

"...Kate. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, my love,"his voice cracked as he spoke,"I've done this to you." He was crying now too. Her sobs became louder now. But she wouldn't look at him. She couldn't. 

She sat up. Hawke was turned away when she spoke. 

"What did I do to make you hate me so? You avoid me at all costs."

He ran to her side and kneeled next to her, finally making eye contact. Her eyes were swollen from tears, her cheeks were stained from tears, and her irises shined an even brighter blue from tears. Anders lifted a hand to her head and touched a lock of her golden hair. When she flinched at the contact, another tear strolled down his cheek. 

"Oh, Kate. I never stopped loving you. I thought it would be better for you if you weren't associated with me-"

"We are already past that! Everybody already knows that we are-were exclusive!" 

"...were?" She looked down at her now clothed thighs. 

"How can you be exclusive with someone who doesn't love you back?" She said weakly. 

"Kate, I love you,"he grabbed her face,"I love you so much." She choked back a sob. 

"Please forgive me." He finally brought his lips to hers. It was light at first, as though he was testing the waters. But then she kissed him back with more ferocity, twisting her hands in his hair and groaning. 

"Oh Anders. I've missed you so much," Kate panted between kisses. 

"I'm sorry, I love you," he murmured back. His hand went to go rest on her thigh and she flinched, hard. Anders pulled away with a look of worry on his face. They remained silent as he looked to the dagger lying on the ground not too far away. 

His breath hitched. 

"Kate..." She looked down and nodded. Slowly, he undid the buckles and ties of her robes. He clutched a hand to his mouth to cover the cry that nearly escaped him when he saw the rows upon rows of bloody slits covering both of her thighs.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. Anders shook his head. 

"No, I'm sorry. Let me fix this." He hovered his callused hands over her legs and closed his eyes. Kate watched as his hands started to glow a light shade of green and she could feel the magic rushing through her blood. It was warm and comforting and uniquely Anders. 

After a few moments he pulled away to reveal only faint scars. He looked up at her with shimmering amber eyes and his lip quivered again. 

"I can't lose you..." Kate touched her forehead to his and closed her eyes. 

"Then please don't leave me again."

His hand went to her cheek and his brow furrowed, creating a crease in his forehead that Kate had always loved. 

"I will never let you go again." She crushed her lips to his and twined her hands through his light blonde hair. His free hand moved to her back as she climbed up onto his lap. 

"The bed," she murmured as he went down to kiss her neck.

As Anders stood up he picked up Kate with him. He looked down at her. She gave him a small smile. Both of them had stopped crying now. 

He gently laid her on the bed, but she popped up and started undoing his robes with shaky hands. 

"Too many clothes," she whispered, struggling with the buckles. The healer chuckled lightly and kissed her. When her hands became steadier, he moved to pull off the rest of her robe. 

Eventually, they were both left in their small clothes. They both looked at each other, taking it all in. 

They had both lost weight. Kate was still beautiful. Her breasts still plump and her skin covered in scars(which she hated, but Anders loved). 

Kate noticed the way his hipbones stuck out now, and how even though he was a mage he had somehow developed abs and strong arms. He was all grace and passion. And that's what she loved most about him. 

Finally, she stood and pushed him down onto the bed then climbed on top of him. She traced every part of him. His breath shook and he moaned her name when she traced over his small clothes. 

She looked up and frowned. It had been months since they had been together like this. She had some catching up to do. 

Kate climbed up kissed him, running her tongue along his lips. He opened for her and they moaned together, tasting and rememorizing every part of each other. Her hand went to rest over his small clothes and she grabbed his cock as she felt him quickly start to harden. Anders' hand moved to the clasp of her breast band. Once it was gone, his mouth latched onto a nipple and she cried out from the sensation. 

He rolled her over to where he lay on top, sucking and kneeding at her breasts. Still massaging her nipples, Anders moved up suck on the crook of her neck, a place he knew drove her insane. Kate gasped and rolled her hips, trying to create some kind of friction. 

"Oh Maker, yes. I love you so much," Anders groaned. 

His hand trailed down her stomach and landed on her damp smalls. Kate caught his hand with own.

"Mmm. I get a turn first." He yelped in surprise when she flipped him over. 

"Kate, no. I need to- Ah!" He gasped as he felt a hand grab his cock. 

"Let me show you how much I missed you, Anders," she breathed before untying his smalls. 

Before he could respond, she licked the underside of his shaft slowly and flicked the tip with her tongue. She brought him into her mouth and sucked. His hips jerked, forcing all of him into her mouth. Kate almost gagged. But she had done this before. She knew what to do. 

She bobbed her head up and down, sucking and swallowing around Anders. After a few minutes, he was uttering her name like a prayer. She grabbed a ball with one hand and started to massage it. 

"Ah! Kate- oh Maker- I can't... I won't last if you keep going," he gasped. She let him go with a pop and gave him one last last lick. 

"Anders... I love-" he yanked her up and crushed his lips to hers. The taste of him was still on her tongue. He rolled her over again and slipped his fingers into her smalls.

"You're so wet," he groaned. He ripped the cloth off, not caring if he ruined them. 

His fingers delved to her clit and she cried out. He kissed his way down her body, continuing the menstrations on her clit. Then when his mouth reached her thighs, he looked up at her and saw her eyes were shimmering. 

"I love you so much, Kate. Every part of you. You are so beautiful." 

He kissed every remaining scar on her legs and then pushed his finger from her clit into her opening. Her back arched and she cried out his name, her hands clutching the sheets around her. He could've sworn it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. 

Anders closed his mouth around her clit and sucked as hard as he could. She sobbed louder this time her hands moving to his hair for an anchor. He placed another finger into her, feeling and tasting every part of her he could find. Hawke gasped and froze, the orgasm finally taking hold of her. She rolled her hips against his hands, trying to ride out the climax. 

When she relaxed into the mattress, Anders took his hand away and moved up the bed to kiss her, long and sweet. When they broke apart to breath, Kate grabbed his hand and sucked off her juices. He sighed, remembering how that mouth felt on his cock. 

She grasped his cock and guided him to her entrance. Anders seized her hand in his and moved it above her head. 

"I love you," she whispered against his lips. And with that- he became undone. 

He pushed into her hard and shouted her name at how tight and wet she was. She whimpered as he moved out and in, ever so slowly. 

"Harder."

"Faster." 

Kate needed more. She flipped him over and rode him as if she had never had him before. With the new angle Anders hit her g-spot, making her cry out with every thrust. He pulled her down into a kiss and moaned against her mouth. 

It was too much. She was too much. He felt her walls clamp down on him as she screamed in ecstasy. 

"Kate!" Anders spilled inside her as she collapsed on top of him. 

_______________

Anders moved over and slipped himself out of her before collecting her into an embrace. 

Her hands fastened onto his sides and she buried her head in his chest. He pulled at the covers and brought them up to cover Kate and himself. 

"Please don't leave in the morning," she said, her voice cracking. 

"Never again will I leave you alone."

Anders grabbed her chin to make her look up at him. 

"I love you, no matter what. Please don't forget that."

"I love you, Anders. You're the only one I have left. You're so passionate and caring and-" 

"Stop. I don't deserve you. And I never will. But I will try to make you happy." He kissed her again and there was only love. No tears, no anger, no desperation. Only love. 

They laid there in an embrace until they both drifted off to sleep. 

And for once, the silence was alright.


End file.
